Guidelines to surviving Diego Garcia
by IloveBumbleBee2009
Summary: Previously 'What Not To Do Around The Transformers', a simple guide with rules me and so many others learned the hard way.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So much fun, I had to do it myself! For those waiting for my new TF Parody series, I do appologize for the wait, but it should be up in a day or two. Until then, Enjoy.**

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Never call Ironhide 'Ironaft'

(Or Hardass)

(Or anything other than Ironhide)

Never paint Bumblebee pink and call him 'Bubblegum'

(The Twins did that)

(Bee was not happy)

Don't do ANYTHING to Ratchet's tools

(Unless you have a death wish)

(As Skids and Mudflap apparently did)

Never make it to where 'Hide's cannons shoot confetti

(I've never been so glad to be human)

Never put fake viruses in a Bot's processor and leave Ratchet to fix them

(Ditto)

Never ask Prowl questions that will offline his CPU just to see what happens

(Fun as it is, it's a bad idea)

(Trust me)

Never shoot fireworks around Red Alert and scream 'We're under attack!'

(He does not appreciate this)

(Nor does anyone else)

Never hide Optimus' paperwork from him

(The Boss don't usually get mad)

(But it's scary as hell when he does)

Never change all of Jazz's music to Classical

(The look on his face… I thought he glitched like Prowl)

Never pull a Stewie 'Mom, Mom, Mom' using a Bot's name

(When Stewie does it, it's funny)

(When Sam does it, not so much)

NEVER change Sunstreaker's yellow paint to a putrid vomit green

(He WILL freak out)

(And you will NOT be protected)

Never change the Lambo Twins' tires to bald ones

(Funny to watch, though)

Never claim the Arcee Three are flirt-bots because they're the only girls

(They will get violent)

Never spike the Bot's Energon and videotape the aftermath

(YouTube is banned now…)

Never take songs and make TF parodies

(Oops :3)

Don't dare the Lambo Twins to a Prank War saying you're better at it

(This is dangerous)

Don't brag if you win the aforementioned war

(XD)

(I win!)

Don't call Ratchet an 'electro-shock addict' and Jolt his 'supplier'

(They didn't get the joke at first)

(Then they looked it up)

(I have never seen those two so angry before)

Don't speak backwards

(Prowl glitched)

(Ratchet was mad)

(The Twins laughed)

Don't call Wheeljack 'Boom Bot'

(But it fits!)

(He might not even get the joke…)

Never let Red Alert watch _Conspiracy Theory_

(Seriously? Does this even need to be written?)

Don't let Ratchet watch _Weird, True, and Freaky_

(This will not be elaborated on)

NEVER let Wheeljack watch _Myth Busters_

(He's bad enough as is!)

Don't try to teach the Autobots to do the Robot

(They do not appreciate robot jokes)

Never say "I wish they had a machine that could…" around Wheeljack

(Trust me, he'll try it)

Never ask Sunny if he was a femme in a past onlining because he's so vain

(The look on the Lambros faces…)

Never ask Ratchet if femme's call him a Sex God

(Cause you know doctors know all the good spots!)

Don't ask Hound to 'fetch' you something

(He gets cranky)

('Raj thought it was funny, though)

Don't let Prowl watch _Cops_

(This was hilarious!)

(Sam and I sung the theme every time we saw him for three weeks!)

NEVER let Sunny and Sides watch _Jackass_

(Trouble.)

(Waiting.)

(To.)

(Happen.)

Don't let the Dinobots watch _The Land Before Time_

(I didn't see any problem at first)

(Hee hee… Grimlock singing)

Never drop Galloway out of a plane. Again.

(But he deserves it!)

(*High fives Will*)

Never say to Galloway "Sorry, I don't speak Bitchinese".

(XD)

(You can't imagine the look on his face when I said that!)

Never let Red Alert watch horror movies

(Leo, your an asshole.)

(So. Not. Funny!)

Don't quote kid shows randomly

(Your mental health _will_ be questioned!)

Don't sing 'Ultimate Showdown' all day

(Old Godzilla was hoppin' around/Tokyo City like a big playground~)

Don't try to explain human holidays

(This is more of an annoyance to yourself)

Never eat a lot of sugar

(Self explanatory)

(Just watch out for Ironaft)

Never mix Nyquil and Red Bull

(SOOOOO NOT GOOD)

(Ratchet almost had a Spark Attack)

Never let Ratchet watch _1000 Ways To Die_.

(If you thought Red Alert was paranoid…)

Don't let Sunny and Sides watch _Deadliest Warrior_.

(This didn't seem like a bad idea at first)

(But then, does anything?)

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**So many of these are asking for trouble. If you wanna sugest a new 'rule' leave it in your review. Wanna make a fanfic? Go ahead, just give credit. Review plz!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: More insanity! Many of these were suggested by all you wonderful reveiwers, so props to you if you recognize it as yours. By the way, from now on, my disclaimer is on my profile. Enjoy**

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Don't ask Ratchet where sparklings come from.

(He'll tell you)

(For hours)

(And hours, and hours)

Don't let Sunny and Sides watch Harry Potter.

(Again, this didn't seem like a bad idea)

(I should know better by now)

Never tell Optimus that your having his sparkling.

(I didn't think he would faint)

(Ratchet says I'm lucky the Boss can take a joke)

Never load Ironhide's cannons with popcorn while he's recharging.

(Popcorn confetti, anyone?)

(The Lambros have taken to calling me Prank Goddess for this)

(Ratch wants to know where I got that much popcorn)

Never do anything Skids and Mudflap try to talk you into.

(I'd like to think I'm smarter than this)

(Sadly, that is not so)

Don't E-mail Megatron the evil overlord's list

(I did that last week)

(He was upset)

(The Bots say Starscream comforted him)

(From the looks on their faces, I don't wanna know what 'comforted' consisted of)

Never start calling random 'bots 'Pookie'

(Annabelle can get away with this)

(Leo, apparently, cannot)

(Why he thought calling Ironhide that was a good idea, I'll never know)

NEVER tell the Lambo twins "If you don't succeed at first, try, try again."

(Poor Simmons)

(Poor, stupid Simmons)

Don't attempt to explain Magic to any transformer

(This is even harder than explaining holidays)

(Prowl glitched)

(I wasn't surprised)

Never jump from a high place

(Bungee jumping is a bad idea)

(Especially if Ratchet doesn't know what you're doing)

Never sing the song that never ends

(This is the song that never ends/It just goes on and on my friends)

(Someone started singing it without knowing what it was/They'll keep on singing it forever just because~)

(I walk the thin edge of danger 3)

Don't call Megatron "Megaton", "Megageek", "Megsie", or anything other than his name

(Sam dared me to call him 'Megatard' to his face)

(He didn't think I had the guts)

(Stupid Sammy.)

(Im human, I'm American, I'm Texan, and I'm female.)

(I got the guts to do anything)

Never parrot a bot all day just to see how he reacts.

(I think Prowl hates me now…)

Don't eat junk food in front of Ratchet

(He freaks out)

(Take away my McDonalds, Ratchet, and you're gonna lose a finger!)

Never make a mockumentary on the Autobots and tell them that "The people have a right to know"

(I had waaaay more fun than I should have with this)

(They took away my Flip! Video)

(I had blackmail footage on that!)

Never stare at a bot for minutes just to make them twitch

(I think I scared Ironhide)

(This makes me happy)

Don't smile widely without saying anything for hours

(This was the result of staring at Ironhide for thirty minutes and freaking him out)

(Now they call it my evil grin)

Don't sing P!nk's song '18 Wheeler' around Optimus

(I was in the Rec Room, singing and dancing to my iPod)

(I thought I was alone)

(Then I saw Optimus)

(Awkward…)

Don't call Optimus 'Legend Leader Butt'

(I had dared Miles to call Optimus the most ridiculous name he could think of)

(I knew he was weird)

(But I didn't think he would come up with _that_)

Never let the Bots watch "The Smoking Gun Presents: The Worlds Dumbest…"

(They're already aware that humans are stupid and insane)

(Don't give them any more examples of this)

Stun guns, tasers, and the like are not allowed on base. Ever.

(It sucks for humans to be tazzed)

(But you wouldn't believe what it did to Barricade!)

(The Bots are afraid of me now)

Never let Red Alert watch _Monsters Inside Me_

(Come to think of it, all Animals Planet shows should not be shown to Red Alert)

(Obvious reasons)

Don't start calling Red Alert 'False Alarm'

(As appropriate as this is, he doesn't like it)

(Everyone else does, though)

Never let Prowl watch _Disaster Movie_

(And all other movies like it)

(Though the results are awesome!)

Never draw on Galloway's face with markers.

(Classics never get old)

(I yelled: HEY GALLOWAY! JUST SO YOU KNOW, THAT'S SHARPIE ON YOUR FACE!!!)

(Ooooooooh, _boy_ he was pissed)

(Which only made it funnier)

(Worse part was, he had a meeting that day)

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**I'm a lil evil, aint I? You got more? Leave it in a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: More insanity! I'm pretty sure I'm getting a bad rep on base for this, but I don't care! Enjoy!**

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Never cover a 'bot in raw egg.

(Especially Sunstreaker)

(He deserved it, though)

(I'm evil when I'm pissed)

Never mention that the Autobot insignia looks like a 'kissy' Darth Vader when upside down.

(But it does!)

Never attempt to explain Crazy Frog

(Poor Prowl)

Never sing the bumblebee song to Bee.

(Both songs - Baby Bumblebee or Sweet little bumblebee)

(The second one got a cute reaction)

(The first just scared him)

Never sing P!nk's son 'Don't Let Me Get Me'.

(Ratch gave me a mentality (AKA How-insane-are-you-really?) test)

(I passed)

(Which I found amazing)

Never load Ironhide's cannons with Oscar Myer bologna when he's recharging.

(Soooooo gross)

(And he was PISSED!)

Never explain impossible things to Prowl.

(It was just Spongebob!)

Never paint Ironhide neon pink.

(Poor, poor Chevy twins)

Never call a femme weak just because she's a femme.

(I'LL get pissed at you)

(And so will the femme)

(And all other females on base)

(And your ass will be helpless)

Never ask Prowl if he's stiff from the flagpole up his aft.

(He glitched again)

(He defiantly hates me, now)

Never hint that Sunny really doesn't need to compensate so hard.

(Amazingly, he's a little nicer, now)

(I'm not sure how to take that…)

Never hint that Sunny is a femme around other femmes.

(They told me he wasn't)

(I know, girls, I just like giving him hell)

Never ask Sides if he stole the other half of the processing unit from Sunny.

(This would explain a lot)

(The Lambros tell me they'd hate me if they didn't love me so much)

(Funny, that's what most people say)

Never put poppers/firecrackers under red Alert's feet.

(It was an accident!)

(Poor Red)

Never let Wheeljack near the coffee supplies.

(Apparently, powdered creamer in large quantities is explosive near flames)

(Wish we'd known that sooner…)

Never try explaining manga/anime/cartoons/comics/fantasy stories.

(Especially to Prowl)

(Ratch really needs to do something about that glitch)

Never assume that because Prowl is black, white, and emo-ish, he's the reincarnation of Phantom of the Opera.

(He will glitch)

(Click, click, click… BOOM!)

(That's becoming too common around here)

Never claim that Jazz is Raoul and they should fight each over one of the femmes.

(Jazz still ain't speaking to me)

Never let Wheeljack and/or the Lambros watch _Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy_.

(For obvious reasons, he tried to build the Infinite Improbability Drive)

(The twins only encouraged him)

(No matter how great it sounds, NO!)

Never dare either set of twins to a prank war on Galloway.

(Hell, all five of us got in on this)

(Galloway did not appreciate his already lost sleep)

(As if we cared)

Never talk about the 2012 movie/rumor around Red Alert.

(For many reasons)

(Ratchet and Optimus don't need the added stress)

(Nor does anyone else)

Never let Sunny and Sides watch Disney Channel.

(Ever)

Never let the Autobots watch _Cats_.

(It scared them)

(Prowl - you guessed it - glitched again)

(The Dinobots thought the actors were cute)

Never yell random crap for no reason.

(I fell asleep at a meeting and Will nudged me)

( I sat up and screamed: THE FLYING BANANAS ARE GONNA RAPE ME!!!!!!)

(Then I fell back asleep)

(I'm still getting weird looks)

(Damn sugar-induced insanity)

Never convince Hound or Ironhide to take you mudding.

(That was so much fun!)

(Mirage and Sunny mocked us for being dirty)

(We threw mud at them)

(I've never been more thankful for Ironhide's cannons)

Never state random facts all day.

(This got annoying)

(Quickly)

(Bananas are 75% water!)

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**I'm so evil to the bots. Review Plz! Suggestions always welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: More insanity! Soon, when I run out of rules, I got a suprise for my readers. Enjoy!**

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Never claim the Autobots are so good they're a walking cliché.

(Say that the 'Cons are so evil, they're lame, however, is perfectly okay)

(Go figure)

Never sing creepy/scary songs with a bright smile.

(This means you, Nikki.)

(You scared Red Alert)

(Though I'm no better…)

(Did you ever think as the hearse goes by/That you may be the next to die~ ^_^)

Never stare at a 'Bot while changing your expression every five minutes.

(I'm officially on Prowl's shit list for life)

(Right under my partners in crime, the Lambros)

Never give the 'Bots country names.

(Even if it suits them)

(Thank you, Axis Powers Hetalia)

('Hide's Russia, Optimus' Switzerland, etc.)

Never tell Sunny that Luka Megurine (Vocaliods) is the best girlfriend for him since she could keep a leash on him.

(What Miles didn't tell him was that she's a music program)

(Poor Sunny)

Never use the base email to spam Decepticons.

(I sent Megatron kid songs, annoying songs, and jingles that seem to get in your head and never come out)

(I also sent Frenzy and Blitzwing the same songs)

(The 'Cons were more desperate to battle than usual)

(Sometimes, you gotta love a 'Con outta principle 3)

Never go car surfing.

(Ever)

(Even if it's an Autobot)

Always make sure the 'Bots remember when it's Halloween.

(Sam dressed as an axe-murder victim)

(Poor Bee)

(Poorer Ratchet)

(Can't…Stop…LAUGHING!!)

Never swap faction insignias.

(On any bot)

(Gave a few bots spark attacks)

(Had to hide out for a while)

(I love the Dinobots!)

Never scream 'AURA RAPE!!!!' when you bump into someone.

(I ran into Simmons)

(He still won't speak to me…)

Never let Blitzwing watch Spongebob.

(We had captured him in Russia)

(Dammit, Twins!)

(Poor Starscream… NOT!!! XD)

Never pain necked/mudflap ladies on Starscream's wings.

(Several bots glitched)

(Except for the Twins, who did it)

(Nice boys. _Nice_)

Never sing the Emo song around Ratchet.

(My…God!)

(He's freaking OCD with health)

(It's just a song!)

No Jeff Dunham, Terry Fator, or any other ventriloquists. Period.

(Prowl got the throw-your-voice thing, so for once he didn't glitch)

(But how the hell is it my fault Red Alert's scared of midgets now?!)

Never let the 'Bots watch Star wars.

(Or Star Trek)

(Being aliens, you'd think they'd know it wasn't real)

(You'd think)

All glittery, glue-y, crafty objects must be monitored when in use.

(I lent the Lambros my art supplies)

(Ironhide hates me now)

(The Chevy twins still wont speak to me)

April Fools Day is forever banned.

(And if I have to explain this, you obviously don't know the Lambros)

(Or me)

Never ask Sunny how he got his name.

(There's a long story behind this)

(Poor Sunny X3)

Always make sure the Bots understand that songs are just songs.

(Ratchet freaked at 'Evacuate the Dance floor')

Never walk through the base whistling 'Twisted Nerve' off Kill Bill.

(They call that my 'theme song of doom')

(Though I have no idea why)

(3)

No shooting unless you're on the firing range.

(I accidentally shot out Blurs window)

(He took it pretty well)

(Though we were both shocked I actually hit his speed-demon aft)

Never sing the Dexter's Laboratory song 'Back To The Lab Again' when Wheeljack walks by.

(No matter how well it fits)

(He's always doing crazy tests/and making a mess/and if it don't come out correct/then you know what happens next~)

(Uh oh, back to the lab again/Oh no, back to the lad again/We messed up, back to the lab again/Not again, back to the lab again~)

(Sorry, but I had to)

Never make a list of guidelines to surviving Diego Garcia.

(Oops…)

(I'm not sure why they banned this, though)

(Maybe they don't want the higher ups to know how nuts we are?)

No Weird U.S., Cryptozoology, and the like on base.

(Red Alert, Ratchet, Bumblebee, and several others were terrified)

(Bee didn't recharge for a while)

(Red did the usual paranoid thing)

(Ratchet put many of us through several med tests)

No Kill Bill marathons.

(It gave the Lambros bad ideas)

(_Several_ bad ideas)

Mojo, Frankie, and all other animals are forbidden from coming on base.

(Period)

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**Reveiws are needed guys! I'm running outta rules!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Ah, the insanity. But I'm still running out of rules. Help me, guys! Anyway, enjoy. **

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Never challenge a bot to a silence contest.

(I challenged Bluestreak)

(And was amazed when he won)

(As was everyone else)

Remember kids learn fast and repeat whatever you say.

(I can out-curse a sailor)

(But I didn't realize Annabelle was in the room)

(Sarah's mad at me now)

It's ok to complement a woman on weight loss, but never weight gain.

(This has been said before)

(But they never seem to learn)

The following shows are banned:

Digimon (I'm shocked Prowl didn't glitch)

Canada's Worst Driver (Common sense why)

The Ray Ranamo Show (Not even gonna say…)

Blue Collar (Us rednecks can scare a 'Bot)

Ghost Adventures/Ghost Myths (Poor Red Alert)

Gorge Lopez (In all forms) (Fig and I had too much fun with this)

Lucky Star (Lets just say the theme song resulted in a bad situation)

Never tell the bot the bird crap can kill them.

(Sharskey)

(Fasbender)

Human sexual acts and birthing are better left explained by Ratchet.

(It's surprisingly similar to their own)

(Leo, Sharskey and Fasbender didn't know that)

(Their reactions…)

Never tell Red Alert that the Kraken/Leviathan is still out there after watching Clash of the Titans

(He refused to go anywhere near the ocean for a long while)

All green slime is banned from base.

(Ratchet freaked when Miles sneezed and let the slime ooze like real snot)

(We teenagers died)

(Sometimes humor can only be appreciated be the select few)

The song 'Do virgins taste better than those who are not' is banned from the base.

(I taught it to Grimlock)

(Prowl and Ratchet were not amused)

(Glen fainted)

Never let the Lambros read 'Garfield'.

(Faaaaaaar too many bad ideas)

The following websites, videos, comics, codes and lists are banned:

Failblog (Worse than Garfield)

LOLcats (I think Ratchet fears my probable insanity now…)

Happy Gummy Bear Trap (Note to self: Never watch HGBT while eating the candy)

Dominic Deegan (Red Alert and his paranoia)

Girl Genius (Sharskey, Fasbender, Leo, this means you)

Applegeeks (Maggie, Glen)

The Laws of Anime (Prowl glitched. Admittedly, this was my fault)

The Geek Code (We had too must fun with this. I, personally, am a GAT.)

The Goth Code (Not even gonna say…)

Skippy's List (Some soldiers have re-named it 'Megan's list'. Not funny guys)

Common sense doesn't always mean 'common' sense.

(So sad)

(So true)

No Lady GaGa, KISS, etc.

(Obvious reasons)

(Prowl glitched. Again)

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**Plz join the 'save the madness' foundation; aka plz give me some ideas. **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Im about out of rules, and not many ppl are sending me them. Meaning I will be starting my 'suprise' soon, unless more rules are submited. Enjoy.**

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The SIMS is officially banned from base.

(Too many ideas were got from this)

(They were damn fun though…)

No buying door skins from the Home Depot and using them on base.

(Which sucks)

(But I guess we gotta look official)

(Ugh…)

Never let the Lambo Twins watch Ghostbusters.

(It took forever to get the marshmallows off the walls)

(Prowl was not amused)

Never let visitors near the firing range.

(Especially if they're clumsy)

(Sorry Nikki)

The following shows/objects/books/etc. are banned from base

The show Snapped on the Oxygen channel. (Aye yai, yai…)

Eragon (Dragons and Red Alert = bad)

Generation Dead books (Bad things my friends…)

Jerry Springer (Common sense why)

American Idol (Soundwave got nothing on this one…)

Dancing with the Stars (Jazz…)

The Bible (Just don't show them, ok?)

3 Days Grace (Another 'I didn't know it would be bad' moments)

Naruto (Prowl glitched)

Inuyasha (Again)

Dogs 101 (Ironhide)

Cats 101 (Hates these)

It's Me or the Dog (Not even gonna say…)

The Crocodile Hunter (Rest in Peace) (But I cant blame them for this rule)

7th Heaven (See: 3 Days Grace)

Touch by an Angel (Ditto)

Superman (Myles…)

Batman (Nikki…)

Spiderman (Ratchet) (Wheeljack) (Nuff said)

Sports (Thank you)

Chapstick (Ratchet freaked out for some reason)

Clean and Clear (No. Just no)

The following movies are banned from base:

Zombieland (Red Alert glitched and Zombie proofed the entire base.) (Demanded Ratchet make a Zombie vaccine.) (Their was a mandatory meeting.)(I hate meetings.)

The Last Unicorn (Unicorns aren't real! Hound and Beachcomber have yet to figure that out.) (They're still looking for it.)

Dude! Where's my Car! (The Twins got ideas for pranks on Galloway.) (I helped) (Prowl's pissed)

No Autobot Dating Services (As nice and good intentioned as the idea was, not everyone appreciated it.) ( Perfect Match for Autobots was pretty revealing.)

No

(Which sucks cuz Im on there)

(And when they found out I was, I got in trouble)

(Yet I find myself highly amused by this)

Be very careful what music videos the bots watch

(Seriously)

(Be very careful)

No YouTube.

(This has been said, and for good reason)

(Too many bad situations resulted from YouTube)

No speaking in constant slang.

(Several Bots glitched trying to figure out what I was saying)

(Not surprisingly, Skids and Mudflap weren't among them)

Never, ever leave Annabelle unattended!

(For very obvious reasons)

The 'bots are no longer allowed to watch Sonny With A Chance

(Ratchet was shocked by the skits "So you think you can pee-pee dance" and "Sick-y Vicky")

(Let's not even say what happened to the other 'bots after other skits from that show...)

Never let the 'bots or 'cons watch the Joss Whedon show Dollhouse.

(Soundwave tried to use the methods of mind control they used in the show)

(He failed miserably)

(Ratchet wishes he could wipe away my personality completely now...)

Certain phrases are not to be said around the 'bots

"You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose. You can't pick your friend's nose." (Ratchet and Red Alert were disgusted and didn't understand the phrase.)

"I didn't lose my mind; I sold it on eBay!" (Optimus believed me) (Even though I wasn't being serious) (Sam laughed)

"I scream, you scream we all scream for Starscream!" (Let's not got there...)

No getting into a three-way argument in Spanish with Fig and Leo.

(Will says: ENGLISH!!!)

(We say: ¡¡¡SILENCIO!!!)

No getting Leo, Sharskey, Fasbender, Glen, or Maggie to teach you hacking.

(Dammit)

No getting Mikaela to teach you to hotwire a car or otherwise 'alter' it.

(Double Dammit)


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Oy, my CPU hates me. I gotta do a l;otta updates now cuz I don't know when it's gonna work again. Im pretty much done with this one for now, but that means I cam make the jojnt-fic. Enjoy**

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Never let the 'bots watch Power Rangers

(Ratchet didn't understand how the rangers didn't get hurt from the lasers)

(Prowl glitched: didn't understand how monsters could be roaming the earth and not be seen)

(I looked at him funny after that)

(Red Alert freaked and wouldn't leave the base)

Don't let Ratchet help with your physics homework

(He kept saying how most of the theories were wrong)

(...never got to finish that homework...)

Never let either set of twins sit in the school parking lot on twin day

('Nuff said)

(...Though they really thought i was twins with this girl in my math class)

(They wouldn't leave me alone for weeks)

Don't say random phrases in multiple languages when bored

(I couldn't stand the boredom)

(I said "I'm aburrido! Hola, ciao, merci, hikari ...)

(Ratchet thought I was broken and kept running scans on me)

(Mudflap and Skids thought I said "I'm a burrito". Sam won't let me live it down)

(Everyone else just thought I was crazy)

(Especially when I began singing in Japanese)

(Let's not go there)

No bachelor or bachelorette auctions.

(Prowl ended it after Smokescreen really got the betting going.)

No on base bachelor or bachelorette parties.

(There is just too much to explain here.)

Do not ask any Dinobot out on a fake date and expect them to forget about it.

(Poor Grimlock)

Never walk into Wal-mart look at the guns for a long while then ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.

(The look on Ratchets holoforms face)

Never sit in a cart at a store, have someone push you, and scream the 'cons are coming...the 'cons are coming!

(Self-explanatory)

(Damn fun, though)

Never EVER comment within Optimus' hearing range "which is longer than you think" that semi's j-brakes can sound like some guy letting out a "big one"

(Do you have to ask?)

(Leo…)

Movies to never let the Autobots watch:

Wild Hogs (No offense Arcee)

Grand Torino (Oy...)

Cars (Duh...)

Dragonheart (It's not worth the headache of explaining)

Songs to never play or sing or hum or anything as the such around the 'bots:

Barbie girl (...)

Life is a highway (Depends who hears it...)

P!nk's Funhouse (Red Alert) (This used to be a funhouse/but now it's full of evil clowns~) (XD)

Never, EVER, let Wheeljack watch Mythbusters!

(He tried to copy most of their experiments, despite the disclaimer "Don't try anything you're about to see us do at home")

(The other Autobots were not amused by the episodes where they smash cars)

(Im gonna kick your ass, Myles…)

Never ask how Pretenders do the human-robot-human thing

(Ratchet gave me a very graphic explanation)

Do not say these phrases/things around the Autobots:

"In business, you know you've got it good when you've got your own private jet. The Mythbusters know they've got it good when they destroy their own private jet." (Wheeljack started laughing really hard) (Most of the Decepticon prisoners were fuming at Leo.) (*High fives Leo*)

"Red Alert's so paranoid he makes Richard Nixon look brave." (Galloway said that after meeting our resident Autobot security director.) (Optimus Prime was not amused.) (I was, though)

"Who died and made you Elvis?" (I have no idea why I said that Optimus.) (Curse Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related Joss Whedon shows that make pop culture references...)

Don't talk to animals like they are humans/in "baby" talk around the bots.

(This never ends well)

(Let's just leave it at that)

Do not I repeat do not get between me and a book/take a book from me, I will find a way to make you regret it.

(Painfully)

* * *

**Im gonna enjoy writting the next fic. I hope yall do too; its gonna be longer**


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